


Practicing

by Abiggaynerd



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Suicidal thoughts but nothing graphic, Two bros making out but its not gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abiggaynerd/pseuds/Abiggaynerd
Summary: Micheal is in love with Jeremy. When he kisses him by accident, he has to come up with an excuse. Things escalate from there.





	Practicing

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in like. Forever. This was meant to be short but I just kept writing.... haha. Anyway enjoy!

Michael had been in love with his best friend Jeremy for years.

Some people might wonder why he fell in love with such a huge loser, who jacked off every thirty seconds, couldn't talk to a girl without getting a hard-on, and dressed like a 30 year old mom picking up her kids from soccer.

Michael didn't know, really. He could list a thousand things about Jeremy he loved- about his body, his personality, his little quirks no one but him noticed.... Even so, he just couldn't identify what made him fall. But in love with Jeremy he was. Completely, irreversibly in love.

Michael knew Jeremy was straight. And he knew he would never have a chance with him. But just being around him, being his best friend, his player two, his other half, was enough for Michael. Even if it was painful sometimes. He was able to handle it, for Jeremy.

It was the weekend. They were in Michael's basement, and they were taking a snack break from playing video games all day. All around, it was a nice, normal, but perfect day.

Jeremy reached into the chip bag and pulled out approximately half the chips in one go. Michael whistled.

They had been sitting in a comfortable silence, not speaking, until- "Doesn't it bother you that neither of us has kissed anyone before?"

Michael choked on his soda. "What??"

"I mean." Jeremy put a single chip in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed it. "When we kiss girls, we're going to be awful at kissing, right? I read if you don't practice, you'll be bad at it. And the girls have probably kissed before. So they won't like it at all and will critique my performance, and she'll break up with me and tell every other girl how bad of a kisser I am so no girl will date me, and I'll die alone..."

Michael was in tears, rolling on the ground. "Oh my gosh, dude, why are you assuming you'll get girls hot enough to "critique your performance?" Are you hiring professionals? 'Hello, I'm Jeremy Heere and I'd like you to rate my kissing, please.' Cause I kinda doubt a girl with enough skill to professionally judge you is gonna date you like, at all. She's not even real and I already know she's out of your ledge, man!"

Jeremy scowled and shoved the rest of his chips in his mouth. "You know what I mean, Michael. I'm worried my future girlfriend will hate it!"

"Dude, chill out. It's not a big deal. You'll figure out something." Michael lay on the floor, and shot Jeremy a reassuring grin.

"I read I need practiiiiiice," Jeremy whined. He started crawling over, and Michael tossed his head back and laughed.

When he opened his eyes again, Jeremy was hovering over him. Michael's brain short-circuited.

Jeremy was on top of him. Almost pinning him down, if he moved his hands just a little. Michael was blushing so hard he wondered if his head would explode. Michael became hyper aware of Jeremy's left leg touching his right leg. If he moved it a bit higher- no, that wasn't the time to think about that. He smelled good, too, which wasn't fair- they had spent the whole day playing video games. Michael was sure he himself smelled like shit. But he could smell Jeremy's shampoo, and soap, and him, and it smelled good, but it was a little overwhelming. Did Jeremy not realize it was weird for their faces to be so close together? And how had Michael never noticed how beautiful and long his eyelashes were before? And his lips...

Jeremy was pouting, and saying something, and Michael felt so full of affection and love, and he wanted to kiss him. He really wanted to kiss him. So he did.

He lifted his head and closed the short distance between them. Michael pressed into Jeremy's lips gently with his own, unsure if he was doing it correctly. Jeremy was right, this was something you needed practice with.

Jeremy pushed him away, and Michael came crashing back to reality. His stomach dropped in pure horror, as he realized that this wasn't a dream or a fantasy, and his actions do, in fact, have consequences.

"W-what are-were you doing?" Jeremy squeaked, sitting up quickly and covering his mouth.

Michael sat up too. His brain was numb with fear. There was absolutely no positive outcome for this.

Possible response number one: Jeremy hates him, never talks to him again.

Possible response number two: Jeremy doesn't hate him, but finds it incredibly awkward and their friendship slowly dies.

Possible response number three: Michael dies instantly (the ideal option)

Time was running out. What should he say, what should he say....

"Uh- I- I- uh- Practice! You wanted to practice kissing, right? Well we should, uh, practice with each other! It's what friends are for, right? Practice? I mean, its not like it means anything," He laughed nervously, despite the fact that he knew the excuse wouldn't work and he was awaiting Jeremy's response like a prisoner waiting for execution.

Michael didn't look at Jeremy, until the silence that had gone on for too long became too much to bear.

But when he looked up again, he saw Jeremy's brow furled in thought, not anger.

"Practice with each other?" Jeremy slowly began to grin. "That's a great idea!"

OH. Oh dear, sweet, innocent Jeremy. Oh, poor, young, dear Jeremy. Michael has given him too much credit. Of course Jeremy would think he was serious. Of course he wouldn't suspect a thing. The despair and horror draining from his system, leaving him filled with nothing but a light feeling of giddiness and relief, was better than any orgasm he'd ever had.

Ah. Jeremy was speaking again. Michael had been too happy to care.

"Sorry, what?" Michael said, a big, lazy smile on his face.

"I said," said Jeremy, shuffling a little closer to Michael, "I wanna be the one to kiss you this time."

Jeremy might as well have thrown a bowling ball at Michael's head. It took everything Michael had in him to not literally crash to the ground under the weight of the extreme mood swings he had had in the last ten minutes. He didn't even know he COULD have emotions that strong. He didn't even know what emotion it was. Just that it was big, and loud, and extreme.

Jeremy held a finger under Michael's nose, and he realized he had not been breathing for the past minute.

"Are you okay-"

"Uh- yeah! Yeah! Go for it! We are practicing after all!" Michael forced himself to laugh. "Go for it my man!"

"Ah, okay." Jeremy's brow furled in concentration again, which was incredibly cute, but Michael needed to calm DOWN. Nothing was happening. This didn't mean anything to either of them-

Michael wasn't prepared for the kiss. Physically. Jeremy rammed his head right into him.

"OOWWWW," they both screamed in unison.

"What the hell, Jeremy! I thought we were practicing kissing, not bullfighting!"

Jeremy looked crestfallen. "What did I do wrong..."

"You rammed your head right into me. There's your problem."

"I'm sorry... I'll never be able to kiss anyone. I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life....."

Michael sighed. Jeremy really did look upset over failing, which was extremely cute. And it wasn't Jeremy's fault he was a hopeless nerd.

"Here, try again. Do it slower, it isn't a race." Michael closed his eyes and leaned in towards Jeremy.

It was a lot easier to stay calm after Jeremy's screw-up. Until the actual kiss happened.

It wasn't perfect, but Michael felt like it was. Even though his glasses were pressing into him painfully. Jeremy's nose was pressed into Michael's and it was a little uncomfortable, and Jeremy was stiff and nervous. But it didn't break any skulls, and Michael felt like he was floating.

"Hang on," Jeremy mumbled against Michael's lips, and a shiver went through him. Jeremy grabbed his phone- not pulling away from the kiss- and began to type.

"What are you doing!?" Michael said, muffled by the lips. He'd be damned if he stopped the kiss first, though.

"I'm googling what to do now," Jeremy said. Michael began to shake with silent laughter.

Jeremy's hand went to his hair and began to pet it gently, and Michael froze and got even redder, if possible.

"It says here to use your hands while you're kissing," Jeremy explained against Michael's lips. "Um, it says you can touch the hair, or the cheek-" Jeremy's hand slid to Michael's cheek, and Michael thought he might melt. "You can also touch here-" shoulder- "Here-" chest, waist- "or... here." Hip.

Michael wondered if this was going to be how he died. What a way to go. No regrets. Jeremy pulled away, and Michael's lips felt cold without them. But the hand on his hip didn't go away.

"There are also other places, but they'd be a little weird since we're just friends."

(Damnit, Jeremy, this is already weird)

"Okay, I'm going to kiss you again."

Michael realized he was definitely going to die at this rate. "Okay."

Jeremy leaned forwards, and their lips met. Michael's eyes fluttered shut. It was much softer this time. Jeremy's touch was feather light. His nose still poked into him, and his glasses still got in the way, but it was a small price to pay. It seemed like the only thing in the whole world was their lips pressing together, the contact they had. It seemed like the whole universe, everything and anything, was in that kiss. Michael felt like he was floating.

"How was that?" Jeremy asked the dazed Michael.

"Uh." The room was spinning. "Pretty good for the second try."

Jeremy grinned. "Let's try again later! For now, we have some zombies to kill."

Michael nodded.

Jeremy began to chatter on about something, acting like nothing had changed.

Michael just kinda sat there, dazed, until Jeremy started calling for him to come over and play.

\---

Michael knew this probably wasn't the best idea, seeing as he had been pining for Jeremy for years. He was pretty much just dangling what he wanted in front of his face, then taking it away. So he never inited the kisses. But he couldn't find it in himself to say no when Jeremy asked- he had wanted it for so long, how could he?  
They had been getting better at kissing, too. Jeremy's nose didn't poke into Michael's uncomfortably anymore, and he avoided Michael's glasses too. They knew each other's faces, and they were able to put them together perfectly now, like a puzzle. Sometimes Michael felt like their faces were made to be put together. He always quickly shoved those thoughts aside.

The kisses were always dizzying and amazing. When they started, it was awkward and a little stiff, but as time went on, Michael found it harder to resist the urge to throw his arms around Jeremy and press his lips against his like his life depended on it, kissing on and around his mouth, trying to make Jeremy feel the overwhelming feelings he made him feel. Jeremy always melted into it, always gentle, sometimes a little awkward, running his hands through Michael's hair.

Michael often had dreams of the kisses turning into much more, but they hadn't yet moved onto anything other than closed lips, until Jeremy spoke up one weekend.  
He pushed Michael away, and studied him for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked, a little breathless.

Jeremy licked his lips. "I- I think- can I try something new? I read about it online."

Michael's breath stopped. "What do you mean, dude?"

"It's nothing bad! Just- let me show you."

Michael closed his eyes and smiled, wordlessly consenting. He felt Jeremy's lips press against his own, like always. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

Jeremy opened his mouth.

Not far. Just a little. He took Michael's bottom lip in his lips and gave it a gentle, toothless bite. Michael could feel the soft, wet, warm inside of Jeremy's lips. Jeremy pulled away with a wet pop, much too soon.

"How was that?" He asked, looking concerned, like Michael hadn't just experienced the best thing in his life.

Michael stared at him for a moment. "I don't know. You'd have to do it again."

And Jeremy, being an idiot, nodded seriously. But it didn't really matter since he was leaning in again.  
His mouth was already partway open this time, and Michael shivered. He opened his mouth a sliver too, feeling giddy when he felt Jeremy jolt. Michael imitated Jeremy, putting his lip in between Michael's lips. He pressed down a little harder than Jeremy had, and tugged on his lip a little. Losing his grip, he sucked on it to keep it in his mouth.

Jeremy moaned.

Jeremy jumped back. Michael covered his mouth with his hands, forcing himself to not to jizz his pants right there and then.

"Oh my gosh dude, did you just MOAN?" Michael said, after he had calmed down a little. "No!!" Jeremy denied quickly. His face was totally red. It was adorable.

Michael burst out laughing. "I'm winning! I made you moan, which you've never done for me... I'm the better kisser!"

"Hey!" Jeremy protested, not any less red, "I'm just a good a kisser as you, we started at the same time!"

"Sorry, Jeremy, I can't hear you over all your moaning. Which you're doing because of how much of a better kisser I am."

"I could make you moan too!" Jeremy pounced on Michael, pinning him down. Michael's breath hitched.

"Yeah, right," Michael said breathlessly, "You-"

Michael didn't finish his sentence, because Jeremy had started kissing him again. It was fast and a little aggressive, and totally different than any of the kisses before. Michael made a tiny sound as he felt teeth biting into his lips- not hard enough to hurt, of course. But hard enough where Michael could feel it. It felt good.

"See?!" Jeremy said triumphantly, sitting up. "You moaned!"

Michael was stunned, but not enough to not regain his dignity. "That was you."

"No I didn't! You did!"

"Don't they say 'the one who smelt it, dealt it'?"

Jeremy burst out laughing. "What??"

"I'm just saying..."

"That literally does not apply here!"

"Whatever." Not giving Jeremy a chance to respond, Michael pulled Jeremy's face down and kissed him again.

This time, he let his tongue sneak out and lick Jeremy's lips. Jeremy squealed, but didn't pull away. Michael smiled into the kiss, and feeling a bit braver, poked his tongue between Jeremy's lips, running over the smooth teeth. Jeremy sucked on it for a moment, then met Michael's tongue with his own, pressing into it as he gave it a lick. Michael became conscious of the drool running out of both their mouths, and it was a little gross, yeah, but honestly he didn't really care.

They pulled apart, both breathing heavily. Michael wiped the spit off his face. Jeremy didn't seem aware of the spit pooling at his own chin, but he still somehow managed to look incredibly hot. Blushing hard, eyes dilated, breathing heavily, wet lips. Michael stared at them, licking his own lips.

"Ya got something right there," Michael said, propping himself up on his elbows and pointing.

Jeremy touched his chin, and noticed the spit. "Oh! Oh, yeah. Thanks." He rubbed it off and gave a little laugh. "I think we need more practice with that."

Michael frowned. "Why? I thought you did fine. Did I do it bad or something?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Ah, no no no! That's not what I meant at all! I mean, what we just did was fine... But if we were girls we'd probably think it was bad. It was kinda spitty. I read girls don't like that."

"Ah." Michael's good mood evaporated as he remembered the guy he was kissing wasn't into him at all, and was probably imagining Christine in his place. "Yeah, I guess."

"But for now, I'm, uh, kinda winded? Haha. Wanna play video games?"

Michael forced a smile and nodded. "Of course, dude."

\---

Michael had gotten used to kissing Jeremy every weekend. Not to say he didn't still enjoy it- of course he did. But he was able to keep his emotions in check now, didn't freak out over every little thing.

Except he was freaking out over a very little thing. Jeremy had come over like always, and Michael had met him at the door. But instead of a high five or a fistbump, Jeremy had leaned forward and given Michael a peck on the lips.

It wasn't a French kiss or anything. Just a light, airy kiss that almost didn't happen at all. It felt disgustingly domestic, and Michael was freaking out over it.

"You idiot! What if someone saw!" Michael hissed, tugging Jeremy inside.

Jeremy tugged off his shoes and put them on the floor, then turned and looked Michael in the eye. "Sorry, are you uncomfortable with me kissing you like that? I won't do it if you don't like it, it's just... I thought I should practice, like, visiting a girlfriend, and what I would do, so I wouldn't be a mess when it actually happens..." He looked at his shoes. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Michael smiles and shakes his head. "Nah, man, don't worry about it. Just don't let people see. Wouldn't you hate that? Kids at school already make fun of us for being gay."  
Jeremy blinked. "I totally forgot about that."

"JEREMY HEERE forgot the rumors? I've seen it all, folks."

"Yeah, you're right." Jeremy smiled, embarrassed. "Let's go downstairs."

So Jeremy wanted to play dating for the day. Fine. Michael could handle that. He wouldn't die.

"So," Jeremy said, wringing his hands. "What does dating.... consist of, exactly."

"Dude, I don't know if you know this, but I am literally just as clueless as you are."

Jeremy groaned. "Okay, internet, my old friend, what'd ya got for me."

Michael watched Jeremy for a good five minutes as he scoured the internet.

"Okay," Jeremy said. "Let's hold hands." Without waiting for an answer, he reached out and grabbed Michael's hand. They both stared at their intertwined hands, like they held the great secrets to the universe.

"So... Now what."

"It says to do something you both enjoy."

"Video games?"

"Uh, duh."

\---

Jeremy began to give him little kisses, not just in Michael's house, but in other places too. Whenever they were alone, Jeremy would give him a little smooch, then continue on as if nothing had happened. As a greeting, as a goodbye, or even just because. In fact, it was becoming like a reflex for him. For both of them.  
It wasn't just that, either. Jeremy seemed to want to hold hands a lot more, now. Neither mentioned it, but Michael noticed. It made him happier than it probably should've.

Against Michael's better judgment- (this is even worse than making out, it's like you're actually dating and it'll hurt that much more when he gets that girlfriend he wants so much) he never once protested against it. He still almost never inited, but he always reciprocated with vigor. He shut out the voice in his head that made him feel guilt for tricking Jeremy. He was HAPPY, damnit. Couldn't he just let himself be happy for a little while?

Apparently not.

"Michael!" Jeremy called, waving at him through the crowded cafeteria. Michael grinned and made his way over to him. He kissed Jeremy.

"So how was class?" Michael asked, before realizing that several people were staring at them and holy shit he had just kissed Jeremy causally and in public, in front of the people Jeremy wanted to impress.

"I knew those two losers were gay!" crowed Rich, pointing. The people in the cafeteria laughed.

Michael never really cared much about what other people said about him- the only thing he really cared about was Jeremy's opinion.

But the fact that everyone was making fun of Jeremy made him extremely upset.

Jeremy looked utterly crushed, and like he was about to cry. He was staring at his lap and blinking funny. Michael felt extremely guilty- especially since he had told Jeremy when he first did it to not let anyone see. He had to fix it, somehow.

"HA!" Michael said loudly, catching everyone's attention. "Now everyone thinks you're gay! That's for- uh- stealing the six hundred dollars I was saving up! Bitch!" Michael stomped away, straining his ears for any reactions from his fellow teenagers. They seemed pleased at the drama, that he knew. He just hoped they got off Jeremy's dick.

Michael ate the rest of his meal in the library, hoping he had fixed the problem. For Jeremy, at least.

They went to Jeremy's house at the end of the day. They had been playing video games for a little while.

"Again, I'm really super sorry, man, I guess it just became a habit..."

"Don't worry about it! Some of the kids actually seemed to think it was a little cool I had stolen your money, even though thats kinda a crime? haha. Great thinking with that coverup."

"No prob."

"So, anyway, after lunch, Rich pulled me into the bathroom-"

"What the FUCK."

"No no, it's not bad! He said there was a chip in his head? From Japan? And it helped him to be cool. Called a squip."

"Uh-"

"And he said theres a guy at Payless who'll sell me one."

"Jer-"

"For $600. Said now he knew I could afford it, and thats why he was telling me."

Michael laughed. "Wow, I have never heard of such an obvious scam in my life."

"...weelllllll...."

Michael laughed even harder. "You did NOT agree to that."

"What if it's not a scam, though! This could be huge, I could be popular!" Jeremy paused the game. All I need to do is give my bully.... Six...hundred.... You're right. I'm gonna be a loser forever. Not even a miracle could ever save me." He flopped back on his beanbag.

"Hey, hey!" Michael leaned over. "Dude, you're cooler than a vintage cassette! Just, no one but me knows that right now. I mean, sure, you're a loser, but we're losers together, right?"

Jeremy covered his face. "No, you're not a loser. You're too cool for me."

"No way!" Michael laughed. He pulled the hands from Jeremy's face and held them in his own. "Well, even if I was the coolest guy in school, I'd still only want to hang out with you."

"Shut uppp," Jeremy said, but he was smiling again.

Michael leaned over and began to pepper kisses all over Jeremy's face.

"Stop, that tickles!" Jeremy giggled, pretending to bat Michael away.

"Not- until- you- stop- being- such- a- downer," said Michael.

"Oh nooo, I guess you're gonna have to kiss me forever then, huh-"

Jeremy's father opened the door. "Jeremy? I've been calling ...for.... you.."

Jeremy and Michael were frozen for a moment, before jumping to opposite sides of the room.

"Dad! It's not what you think!"

Jeremy's father nodded thoughtfully. "I can't say I'm surprised. Use protection-"

"No, seriously, Mr. Heere, I tripped and fell on him."

Jeremy's father clearly was not buying it, but he didn't comment. "I'm buying pizza. You boys want anything?"

"No, Dad! Bye!" Jeremy practically pushed his father out of the room, and closed the door.

"Sorry." Jeremy said. He looked like he was about to burn up from embarrassment. "Now he thinks we're dating and I'm gay even though I'm not and you're gay even though you aren't and you're probably really upset about this and-"

"Chill, Jer. It's not a big deal, I don't care." Michael did care, but not about the fact that Jeremy's father thought they were dating. He cared about the fact that Jeremy was so upset by it. He knew Jeremy wouldn't like it, but it still hurt to hear it out loud.

Eager to change the subject, Michael said, "So, we were talking about a squid?"

"Squip." Jeremy sat down again. "Hey, what if tomorrow, we go check it out? Just see if the story checks out."

Michael wondered, for a moment, what would happy if it DID work.

"If it works... Will you be too cool for-" (me) "-Video games?"

Jeremy saw right through it, somehow. Impressive for a boy who believed his best friend's lie that he only wanted to kiss him for practice.

"No way! You're my favorite person!"

Michael couldn't fight the blush from covering his face. "Is is really true? I'm your faworite pewrson?" He tilted his head, almost upside down.

Jeremy laughed, a little embarrassed. "Yeah! It's always gonna be you and me against the rest of the world!"

"Okay," Michael said. "Let's go together."

"Thanks, Michael. You're the best."

Michael couldn't stop the gentle smile and fluttering feeling in his chest. "I know. Now let's kill these zombies."

\---

"Wish me luck," Jeremy said, holding the pill in one hand, and the Mountain Dew in the other.

Michael looked around quickly, then pecked Jeremy on the lips when he was sure it was safe. "Good luck."

Jeremy seemed surprised, but quickly recovered and grinned. "Thanks!"

He downed the pill.

It didn't work, and it was probably a wintergreen tic-tac, but Michael excepted that. He felt a little bad, sure, but he wasn't surprised. Dear, sweet, innocent Jeremy. Michael smiled fondly. A guy who thought the guy who kissed him was purely doing it for practice, would obviously take an offer like this. At least he had a super awesome best friend that stopped him from doing stupid shit.... Most of the time.

He payed the guy at Spenser's gifts for his old-ass soda, then went back to the food court to look for Jeremy. Who wasn't there. Which was.... Concerning.

Of course, when he saw Christine, it all made sense.

Michael walked over to her and Jake. "Hey, have either of you seen Jeremy?"

Jake snickered. "He was losing it."

Christine looked very concerned. "He started screaming, then began talking to himself and walked away without saying anything? Is something wrong?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like him. Don't worry about it. Which way did he go?"

Christine pointed.

"Thanks."

Michael shook his head as he began to search for Jeremy. What a nerd. But he was his nerd.

He spotted Jeremy walking towards the exit, after a long time spent looking.

"Jeremy! I know you're nervous around Christine, but thats no reason to go so far away from where we were gonna meet up! Lugging this soda around sucks balls, let's go home-"

He reached Jeremy, and touched his shoulder. Jeremy glanced at Michael for a second, gave him a disdainful look, before ignoring him and continuing on his way.  
Michael felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under him. He felt sick. Had he done something wrong? Why was Jeremy mad?

_**Did Jeremy realize he didn't kiss him just for practice** _

Michael felt unable to move, and tried not to cry, watching Jeremy leave without him.

\---

When Michael got home, he tried to call Jeremy, text Jeremy, even e-mail Jeremy, but Jeremy wouldn't respond. He stayed up as long as he could, and fell asleep crying. He had fucked up irreversibly, he just knew it. A black hole seemed to have made it's new home in Michael's stomach.

The next day, Jeremy ignored him entirely. It was almost like he actually couldn't hear him. Jeremy seemed to be in a fine mood otherwise. Jeremy even said hi to several kids. More surprisingly, the kids said hi back. Michael didn't really care about the other kids, though, so he ignored the interactions. Jeremy mumbled to himself somewhat often, which was strange. Michael followed him around like an ignored puppy until he went into drama practice, trying to figure out what was wrong and apologizing the entire time. He sat outside the door, miserable.

When Jeremy came out, stiff and hurried, Michael didn't follow him. He just watched him leave. Again.

Michael forced himself to get up eventually. No point in staying at school when your only friend was mad at you. He walked outside, and saw Jeremy, clutching his head and mumbling something.

Michael decided it wasn't his problem, and continued to walk forward, when Jeremy called, "Michael!"

Michael looked at him, surprised. He then turn around to walk away. He was kinda pissed off. Jeremy couldn't just ignore him for the entire day, then decide to speak to him like nothing was wrong.

"Where have you been all day? I'm so glad to see you!" Jeremy ran up to him, happy as a clam, and grabbed his arm.

Michael's resolve to be angry faded, but he still tried to be a little angry.

"So you weren't ignoring me all day?"

Jeremy took a step back. "What are you talking about? I haven't even seen you since-"

Jeremy stopped mid sentence, and stared into space. Long enough where it got weird.

"Jeremy? Why are you standing there all creepy and stuff?"

Jeremy's eyes flickered for a second, before defocusing again.

"Seriously, what’s up with you?" Michael was honestly getting really worried about him. "You’ve been acting shady ever since...since..."

Jeremy's eyes refocused, and Michael remembered that tic tac. The squip.

"It worked, didn’t it? Jeremy! That’s amazing!" Michael was filled with relief. Jeremy wasn't made at him, or ignoring him on purpose! The fact that the weird pill made him do that was... Concerning. But more importantly, Jeremy wasn't mad at him!

"We gotta test it, we gotta celebrate, we gotta– get stoned in my basement!" Michael grinned, and grabbed Jeremy's hand to pull him to his house. But Jeremy didn't move at all. His eyes weren't unfocused- they were very focused. Michael felt like he was being analyzed. He felt like his friend was about to do something... terrible.

"Jeremy? You coming?"

Deep down, Michael knew Jeremy wasn't going to come.

It didn't make it any easier when Jeremy turned around and ignored Michael calling for him, again.

\---

Michael knew Jeremy was going to the Halloween party. Everyone cool was going. The squip was doing it's job, he supposed. Jeremy was a lot cooler now. Socially. He was acting like a really uncool friend. It was lonely at the bottom of the social ladder all by yourself. Even though Jeremy said he'd be up there with him.

He was kind of angry, which was weird. Michael was never angry. It was just something he... Didn't do.

He wanted to go to the party and talk to Jeremy. Yell at him for abandoning him, even after 12 years of being each other's only friends, and a promise to NOT abandon him. Michael had written a whole monologue. How could he do this to him?

Then it struck Michael. There was no way Jeremy would do this of his own free will. He WOULDN'T. Michael was positive. Something was fucked up about that "squip", and Michael was going to find out what it was and save Jeremy and everything would be fine again. The squip was the enemy here. Not Jeremy, who had PROMISED he wouldn't be too cool for him-

Anyway.

Michael went searching on the internet, and when that didn't work, began to ask around and rely on word of mouth.

It had been months, and Michael was lonely. Months of only playing one player games. Months of eating alone. Months of having no one to talk to but himself. Still, he was sure it would be worth it. It had to be.

By the time the day of the Halloween Party came, Michael felt prepared enough to confront Jeremy.

Sneaking in was easy- put a trash bag over your head and they'll let you into any high school party. He drank a few shitty cups of beer, looking for Jeremy, until he noticed some people giving him odd looks, so he went to hide in the bathroom.

His plan was simple. All he had to do was scare Jeremy, and the squip wouldn't have enough time to do... Whatever it did. He hoped.

He was going to go and search for Jeremy, but as luck would have it, Jeremy came running right into Michael's monsterhand.

Jeremy screamed.

"Sup," Michael said.

"Michael? I didn't know you were invited to this party."

He was acting so... causal, like Michael hadn't been non-stop crying since the last time they talked. Which was months ago. Michael's stomach clenched.

"I wasn't... which is why I'm wearing... this clever disguise!" Michael raised his hand to lift up the trash bag.

Jeremy just stared at him. Michael began to panic a little- surely he wasn't going to go just yet, right?

"Squip got your tongue?" Michael said, trying to sound like he wasn't about to have a panic attack.

"It's...off."

Michael calmed down a bit at that. "That would explain why you're talking to me."

Jeremy looked a little guilty, which Michael appreciated.

"I’ve been thinking about this moment," Michael said, beginning his speech on why he thought the squip was evil. "What I would say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship-"

Jeremy had a dopey smile on his face.

"What?"

Jeremy leaned forwards and kissed him. He smiled gently. "I'm just really glad to see you, man."

Well, fuck. Michael can't exactly say his grand speech now. Might as well just tell the facts now.

"There's something you need to know about the squip!"

Jeremy cocked his head. "What could you possibly know that I don't? There's nothing on the internet about them-"

"I know, it's crazy, right? Like, thats pretty suspicious if you ask me, but anyway- I started talking around, and this guy I play Warcraft with told me about his older brother. Went from a failing student to Harvard. Because of that squip. Know where he is now?"

"Happy and successful?"

Michael heroically resisted the urge to punch Jeremy in the face. "In a mental hospital."

"Well, that probably has nothing to do with-"

"Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful super-computer. You really think its primary function is to get you laid? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey? Of all possible applications for such a mind- blowingly advanced technology, you ever wonder what it’s doing inside YOU?" Michael grabbed Jeremy's arm, looking him in the eyes. Jeremy NEEDED to understand something was horribly wrong.

Jeremy burst out laughing.

"W-what?"

"Oh man, and I thought Chloe was jealous..."

Michael shrugged off the twinge in his heart when he heard a reference he didn't get at all. "I'm telling you because I care about you!"

"Really." Jeremy stands up, and he's starting to look mad. "Funny how you tell me that the thing that's finally getting me what I wanted- NEEDED- is terrible and it's gonna make me go crazy. Maybe I just deserved a break! My life sucked! And it's better now, and I think you're jealous because you don't have one!"

Michael got out of the bathtub and stood up too. "He didn't go crazy because of it. He went crazy trying to take it out."

A moment of silence.

"Well then, you have nothing to worry about. I would never want that."

"Jeremy-"

Jeremy began to walk to the door, and Michael jumped in front of it.

"Jeremy," he cooed, "Jeremy, it's me, your best friend Michael. I'm just worried about you, please believe me-"

Michael tried to take Jeremy's hands in his own, but was harshly slapped away.

Jeremy backed up a step, and burst into loud, angry laugher.

"Holy shit, you're not jealous of me. You're jealous of the squip."

Michael's heart leapt into his throat.

Jeremy grinned. "You're jealous that you can't have my whole, undivided attention anymore!"

"Jer-"

"No no no, this is gold. Wait- does this mean that kissing we did was because you were trying to keep me to yourself?" Jeremy burst out laughing again.

Michael felt like he was shattering into a million pieces.

"Well, I can have any girl I want now, so I don't think I need that "practice" anymore, okay? Go jack off alone in your basement."

Michael felt sick.

"Move it."

"Or what," he said, in a tiny voice. There really wasn't much else Jeremy could do to make him feel worse.

"Move it, loser," said Jeremy. He shoved him aside, hard, and left the bathroom.

Michael stared at the door for a moment, before quietly locking it and climbing back into the bathtub. He curled up into a tiny ball.

Well, his best and only friend, the love of his life, hated him now. So that was cool. Coming was a terrible idea.

He began to sob, loud and ugly and messy. Jeremy was going to make a new best friend, and get a girlfriend, and forget all about him. He was already well on his way, what with the squip not letting him see Michael and all.

Suicide sounded pretty nice. His eyes began to flicker through the bathroom, but everything that he could use to kill himself was either too much work or too painful. He wished he'd never been born. Jeremy probably would've been better off without a gay loser dragging him down. He sure seemed happier now.  
His tears began to decrease, but not his despair. Michael in a bathroom at a party. Nothing sadder than that. He covered his ears at the sound of the banging on the door and the screams of someone demanding Mountain Dew Red.

Is there really any point in living without your other half?

\---

Jeremy didn't try to see if Michael was okay after the fire. For all he knew or cared, Michael had died in the fire.

Michael wished he had.

He decided to stay home from school that day. He just couldn't deal with possibly seeing Jeremy in the hall. It wasn't like his parents would know or care, anyway.  
He didn't do much. He just lay on his bed, numb, for a while. Until his eyes fell on his "Jeremy Mementos" box. He forced himself out of bed, onto the porch, lit a joint, and began going through the box because apparently he loved to feel awful.

"Magic the gathering card he got me for my birthday no one else remembered.... Burn it." He didn't burn it. Just put it in his 'to burn' pile. "Ticket stub from our first concert together... Weird Al. Super burn it." He reached into the box for another thing, but someone was barging up to his door and he barely had enough time to hide his joint before realizing it was Jeremy's dad.

"Michael!"

"Mr. Heere, what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk about Jeremy."

Michael bit his lip. "Sorry, we're not friends anymore-"

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Michael froze. "W-what?"

"He can be a little shit sometimes, we both know that. But that's no excuse to just sit around burning incense while he turns himself into a monster!"

Michael smiled momentarily as he realized where Jeremy got his naivety from, but his smile quickly disappeared. He began to move towards the front door.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Michael!" Jeremy's father blocked the way. "I need you to help him. We both know I'm... not exactly the best father. But I know he's going through something bad, and I know you'll be able to help him."

"But I'm not what he wants..."

"But you're what he needs, Michael! I don't know what happened, maybe he broke up with you, and thats hard, but you need to just suck it up and go! When you love somebody you put your pants on for them."

Michael took a deep breath. "If I try harder to be his.... friend, you have to try harder to be his dad."

Mr. Heere smiled at him. "You drive a hard bargain, son."

Michael laughed and scratched his head. "The things I do for my best friend..."

\---

Michael had his Mountain Dew Red. He knew it would turn the squip off, probably. He sat down in a seat. Christine was making a speech. He wasn't paying attention to that. He was antsy and just wanted to see Jeremy.

But Jeremy wasn't on yet, so Michael tried to focus on the play. It was really good for a school play, actually-

It felt like he was watching a movie. This was way too good for a school play. Brooke was fucking terrifying. Everyone must've been squiped.

He ran backstage, searching for Jeremy amongst hoards of squiped student actors. He finally found him... Throwing himself across the room. Landing at his feet.  
Michael raised the Mountain Dew over his head. "Michael MAKES AN EN-TRANCE!"

"Michael!" Jeremy said, overjoyed to see him.

"I was in the audience thinking, "this is really good for a school play," but then I realized "THIS IS WAY TOO GOOD FOR A SCHOOL PLAY!" They've all been squiped, right?"

"You came to see the play?" Jeremy seemed close to tears.

"Even brought my own refreshments!" Michael showed Jeremy the Mountain Dew Red.

"Is that-"

"Mountain Dew Red. Told ya I did my research." Michael preened.

"That's amazing! Give it to me!"

"Hold on a second, buckaroo." Michael took a step back as Jeremy stood up to grab the bottle.

"But I need it!"

"And I need an apology. I mean, I think one's in order. You treat me like I don't exist for months, blow me off when I try to help you-"

"Fine! You want an apology?" A bit more hostile then Michael really wanted, but. "I'm- saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Srrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Michael's confident attitude from before was slowly draining away. His feelings were hurt. Jeremy didn't seem to mean it at all. "Seriously? Is it really that hard to say sorry?"

"YYYYEEEEESSS!!" Jeremy screamed. "Come on, man, give me the Mountain Dew, this is important!"

"Well, this is important to me." Michael crossed his arms.

"It's a word!"

"It's a gesture! Gestures matter!"

Jeremy pounced on Michael, and Michael's heart sunk. He dodged the blows quickly.

"This is so YOU! Trying to manipulate me to get the outcome you want! You think you're better than me because you listen to music on vinyl and eat eel in your sushi and don't care about being popular!"

Michael was beginning to regret coming again. "I didn't care because I had you!" He dodged several more blows.

"So you're trying to get me to give up the one thing I've always wanted because you're being selfish?"

"No! I don't care about that! I just want to be a part of your life!!"

"I want to be a part of your life too!"

"Then why are you hitting me?!??!"

"I'm trying not to!"

"Don't try harder!"

Jeremy took a deep breath. "IT'S NOT ME! IT'S MY SQUIP!" He forced himself alway from Michael. "It's taking over my body! I need your help! I'M SORRY!"

Michael grins. "That's all I needed to hear." He began to hand Jeremy the bottle.

"No! If you give me that, my squip will pour it out!" Jeremy said, panicked.

"Ah, right." Michael considered that for a moment. "Well then." Michael opened the bottle and took a huge gulp. Jeremy stared at him, confused.

Michael grabbed Jeremy's face and kissed him, forcing the Mountain Dew Red into his mouth.

Jeremy forced himself to swallow it. Michael pulled back, holding him by the shoulders and looking at him for any changes. Jeremy's head snapped down.

"Jeremy-"

Jeremy's head snapped back up, and unleashed a horrible scream. The other students joined in. Michael had no idea what to do. Was it good? Bad? He didn't know. He hugged Jeremy close until the screaming stopped and until the ambulances someone called came.

\---

Michael woke up to the sound of Rich's voice chattering to Jeremy. He had an awful headache from sleeping sitting up outside their hospital room. He stretched, but stilled when he heard Rich ask Jeremy if Michael was his boyfriend.

Michael quickly went into the hospital room. "I'm sure some special someone would be lucky to have you, Rich."

"You think?"

Rich looked like he was about to say something else, but Michael closed the curtain in his face.

Jeremy blinked slowly. He seemed somewhat dazed, which was to be expected, Michael supposed.

"Michael? What happened? All I remember is noise..."

"Oh man, it was genius! They were communicating with each other – they were  
linked! Which means... when you consider the kind of high-frequency sonic disturbance needed to wipe a system that powerful..."

"Michael," Jeremy whined. "My head still hurts."

"Right, uh... Turns out you didn’t have to destroy every Squip. Just one. And the rest..." Michael mimicked an explosion. "Boom boom boom."

Jeremy stared at Michael for longer than Michael felt was necessary.

"I... don't get it," he finally said. "After everything I did... you were still there for me. Why?"

"Because I love you," Michael burst out. Jeremy looked at him in surprise.

"What-"

"I mean, you're my best friend, so.... It's not weird to say I love you you almost died! Probably? I was worried. You're my friend. Who I love. As a friend."

"Um-"

"And anyway, I can't take all the credit. Your dad can be pretty persuasive."

"My dad?"

Jeremy's dad came in, and he was wearing pants. Which, to Michael's relief, seemed to be enough to make Jeremy forget about the almost- confession. He zoned out until he heard Mr. Heere mention Christine.

"What do you mean you wanted to date Christine? Why'd I have to hear about it from-"

"It doesn’t matter. After what I did, I’m lucky if she wants to go to the same  
school as me," Jeremy said glumly. Michael and Mr Heere exchanged looks. "What?"

"It's reassuring. He still doesn't know anything about girls," Michael said.

"Or boys, apparently."

Jeremy and Michael both flushed. "Daad!" Jeremy protested.

Jeremy and his father got into a somewhat animated conversation about what to do when dating. Michael zoned out again. So Jeremy was going to ask out Christine. At least he wasn't going to throw away Michael like he was garbage again. He tried to push away the heavy feeling in his stomach. This was good. Jeremy would be happy.

It didn't matter how Michael felt about it. That's what he told himself, anyway.

\---

It was early one night. Jeremy had a date with Christine, so Michael was by himself.

He was mindlessly surfing the internet on his phone when it rang. It was Jeremy. Michael picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, buddy. How's your hot date going?"

"Can I come over?"

Michael could immediately tell something was wrong. "Of course, dude."

Michael heard knocking at his door five minutes later, and he hurried to open it. Jeremy waved awkwardly.

"Come on in."

Jeremy took off his shoes and plodded after Michael to his room. Michael waited until Jeremy had settled in a bit, before turning to him and saying, "Dude. What's wrong? You had a date with Christine tonight."

Jeremy was fidgeting with his hands. "We broke up."

"Oh." Oh. "OH! Oh no, Jer, I'm so sorry. What happened? Why'd she break up with you?"

"She didn't break up with me."

Michael honestly wasn't sure how to process that. "What?"

"She didn't break up with me. I broke up with her."

Michael squinted with confusion. "But- you- the whole thing- I- why???"

Jeremy looked at Michael in the eyes.

"Well I was. When I was kissing like, Brooke and Chloe, they. I didn't enjoy it that much. I thought it was because they weren't Christine but." Jeremy paused for a moment. "I kissed Christine and- it was okay! She didn't have bad breath and she wasn't a bad kisser, but. I. Uh."

Jeremy stopped looking Michael in the eye, and stared at his still fidgeting hands.

"I couldn't stop thinking about how much more I liked it with you."

Michael's mouth dropped open, speechless.

Jeremy ignored it and moved on. "And like, maybe it was just a one time thing but I kissed her again and I was just imagining you, and when I held her hand I thought about us holding hands and when I talked to her or looked at her I didn't just feel like randomly kissing her which is weird because I want to do that with you all the time? Haha..."

Michael opened and closed his mouth a few times before being able to speak. "Jeremy, are you saying-"

Jeremy's eyes were screwed shut now. "And so I started thinking and I think I've been in love with you for a long time but I just never noticed, so I broke up with Christine, and I know I don't deserve to date you or even be your friend after everything I've done but you're so good and I love you so much I just-"

Michael interrupted Jeremy by throwing his arms around him and kissing him. Jeremy reciprocated immediately.

The kissing was passionate and hungry. They both tried to touch each other everywhere at once. Michael never wanted it to end, but eventually they both had to come up for air.

Jeremy had a huge, dorky grin on.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that," Michael said breathlessly.

Jeremy's hand reached out and wiped something from Michael's cheek. "You're crying."  
"What?" Michael said, and reached up to check. He felt his cheek wet with tears. "Oh. I guess I am. I'm just so happy." He gave a teary giggle.

Jeremy pressed his forehead against Michael's. "I really missed kissing you," he said. "The squip said it was weird, though, so I listened. Said it was gay and that meant being less cool."

"Jeremy...." Michael reached up to stroke Jeremy's hair.

"I think I knew that neither of us did it for practice," Jeremy blurt out. "I really wanted to kiss you but I didn't want to admit I liked you so I fooled myself into thinking it was just for practice. But then when I stopped I finally realized."

Michael laughed. "Jeremy, holy shit."

But Jeremy didn't respond because he was too busy kissing Michael's entire face.

"Guess you didn't need that-" Michael giggled- "squip, huh?"

Jeremy pulled away, serious now. "Michael, I'm really, really sorry. I was an idiot."

Michael grinned at him. "Yeah. You were. But I forgive you because I'm your super cool best- boyfriend. Just don't do it again."

"You want to be my boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Michael said, a little nervously. "If you want."

Jeremy nodded with a huge smile on his face. It was adorable. Michael took a second to appreciate it before pulling Jeremy into another kiss.

"I love you," Jeremy mumbled against his lips.

Michael's heart felt light. He was so happy, it felt like a dream. He giggled with pure bliss.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is abiggaynerd.tumblr.com if you'd like to contact me! ^^ thanks for reading


End file.
